The Story behind SoulJack

    SoulJack was created out of a sheer desire, a desire to do something about my being depressed.  I was tired of going home feeling sorry for myself.  I was tired of being a nobody.  I really wanted to be a somebody.  A positive light. Do something positive with my negative.  Instead of hurt only myself, take this hurt and help somebody else.  Do something that's been beating in my heart ever since I can remember.  There is a saying that had an affect on me, 

"It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness".  

     When I was a kid and even now, I've had this "humming" habit.  This "humming"  habit as I call it, happens at the end of sentences.  When I speak I speak normally until I reach the end of a sentence in which I "Humm" This is a nervous habit.  Some people twitch, some people stutter, some people laugh funny.  I hum.  Does this sound weird?  It should,  If you were to meet me for the very first time you would think it was strange.  You probably have never heard of such a thing.  And you will probably never hear it from another person.  I have searched and searched this planet and have never found anyone else with this habit.  I've ran into many people that stutter.  I have run into people that blink there eyes.  I have run into people that twitch.  I have run into people that limp.  But I have never found anyone that hums.  Every doctor and speech therapist that I've encountered have said.  "I've never dealt with anything quite like this."  So I ask you.  If you ever encounter somebody that hums, or even if you hum, I'd certainly like to meet you or would like to know.   You can reach me at costola@sbcglobal.net 

Souljack the video

     The video "Souljack" is based on a true story.  The story is basically about me, with a few twists from the gang scene and chess scene.  All the classroom shots and shots of the stuttering kid are from real life.  These things really did happen.  The only real difference between the kid in the video and me is that "Derek" who plays me,  stutters instead of hums.  The reason I used stuttering in the video is simple.  More people can identify with it.  Nobody has ever heard of a person who hums.  But many have encountered someone who stutters.  The classroom scene is very real to me.  In fact when I watch the video even today that scene brings chills to my spine and a lump to my throat.  I can never forget those moments no matter how hard I try.  Moments of feeling helpless with nothing I could do.  This scene happened very often to me and very few people rushed to my defense.  Sometimes teachers would but not often.  The only person in the world who always rushed to my defense was a girl named Jenna .  This person has been, is, and always will be a true friend of mine.  Even though I don't see her much anymore, When I'm feeling low and helpless I often think of her, and for some reason I feel better.  I think very few people are ever lucky enough in life to have a friend as true as she.  When kids used to make fun of me she would yell at them, and call them stupid then tell them to stop it.  She also would ask them how would they like it if it was them instead of me.   The kids would back off.     I on the other hand when Jenna was not around  would try  to defend myself in these situations.  But you learn after a while that when you attempt to defend yourself, they just make fun of you more.  So I learned to stay quite and just take it.  There was nothing I could do.   

     The next scene when "Derek" attempts to ask a girl out to the dance and the same guy makes fun of him more is sort of a real scene that happened to me.  I changed it a little because I wanted the audience to identify with the guy who is making fun of  "Derek".  Remember this part is silent and if I showed it the way it really happened you would have been lost.  

The way it really happened in my life:  

      I was a sophomore  or a Junior in high school.  There was a dance happening.   And there was this girl I kind of liked.  So I wanted to ask her to the dance.  I can't remember which dance.  But it was one during the year.  Anyway, I walked up to ask her to the dance.  I can remember it was in the hallway by the office at North Tahoe High School.  She had her friends around her.  I was very, very nervous.  So I probably was humming even more than usual.  I started talking to all of her girlfriends and tried to start a conversation with this girl I wanted to ask.  To be honest, I probably was acting pretty stupid.  I felt suddenly courageous enough to ask her when one of the girls started making fun of my "Hum".  I suddenly felt uncourageous and very stupid.  After the one girl made fun of me, they all started giggling and all made fun of me.  The girl I wanted to ask felt very uneasy and left.  She probably knew that I wanted to ask her to the dance and was embarrassed.  But at the time I took it as though she didn't want to be associated with someone who hums.  I never did ask her.  In fact I avoided her every chance I got.  I probably shouldn't have, it wasn't her fault and it made her feel even more uneasy around me.  But I couldn't help how I felt.  I felt so inadequate sometimes.  I felt so much that I didn't belong.  I think today she would have went out with me if I would have asked her.  

     The next scenes, the basketball incident and the football incident were also real scenes.  I can remember that when I played a sport in P.E.  or otherwise.  Whether it was basketball, Baseball, football or anything for that matter where there were teams I would be crucified if I made a mistake by my team.  By Crucified I mean I was made fun of.  I wasn't the greatest of athletes, and it was just another way the kids could make fun of me.  If I did something stupid with the ball or dropped the ball the kids on my team would make fun of me and call me a retard.

     I am probably the only person in the world to have flunked drama class.  I love acting!!!  Why in the world would I flunk a drama class?  My instructor Mr. Thurlow probably still really doesn't know why.   And he was right in flunking me.  I deserved it.  But there was a reason for this.  We we're rehearsing a skit that we were going to put on for lunch.   It was a small skit, quiet painless.  The day of performance I cut school.  I've never acted in front of people before.  I couldn't bare the thought of 600 kids making fun of me at once.  It was just too much.   I told my teacher I was sick or something to that effect.  He let it go because I really had such a small part anyway.    Then we started rehearsing a real play.  "Rest Assured".  If you are familiar with this play one of the parts is an Italian Papa in which I was perfect for since in being raised in an Italian household I had a real feel for the Italian accent.   It was one of the lead parts.  As rehearsals went by there was these three kids that always sat together in class.  One of which was a girl I really kind of had a crush on, the same girl I wanted to ask to the that dance I was talking about.   Every time I would get on stage to rehearse they would start making fun of me,  and when they would do this I couldn't concentrate on my lines.  My mind would literally go blank.   Even though I knew the lines I couldn't remember them and had to use the book.  As you can see my teacher was getting very frustrated since he thought I was not memorizing my lines.  This would go on every day at rehearsal.  My teacher really was trying to help me.  He was making suggestions to me, trying to get me help from the other kids in helping me remember the lines.  But I already knew the lines.  When I would rehearse with someone one on one I was fine.  But the minute I got up on stage, these kids would make fun of me and my mind would go blank.  In the meantime my parents were planning a trip to Argentina to see the World Cup.  This worked out in my favor because of the play being pushed back because I "supposedly" was having a terrible time memorizing my lines the play would be performed after I left.  The play was cancelled and my teacher was very mad I know.  But ,It wouldn't of mattered I could not have done it anyway.   There was no way I was getting up in front of all those people with my mind always going blank like that.  And again the thought of all those people making fun of me.  It was tough enough being made fun of in a classroom.  A whole audience would have devastated me. 

     Luckily the one thing I did have when I was in High school was being a member in a rock band.  I started playing the drums when I was 13 years of age.  We started a rock band and then my sister Mary started singing with us.  (Mary is the other lead singer in the video, she has an awesome voice no doubt) We were a typical High School Rock band but we did have a lot of fun with it.   It was the one thing I could do right.  It was not in school and it was a place where I was never made fun of.  I actually fit in.  It was always great being able to perform with Mary my sister, and the other people in the band I got to be really good friends with.   They all respected me, and during that time it meant a lot to me.  

     After High School I worked for a year in my fathers business being a garbage man, then I went to College.  The College of San Mateo where I made some good friends.  There I would continue to grow and learn that I wasn't so inadequate.   When I got back to Tahoe I went back to work then I met this girl I liked.  We went to youth group together and started dating and for the first time in my life I had a girlfriend.  We broke up.  She was leaving for college and I didn't want to stop her, or be an anchor to her.  

      As the years went by I still had this empty feeling.  I still was humming and I couldn't shake off the memories of my childhood.   My feeling of inadequacy only amplified as years went by.   I tried hypnotism to try to make it go away.  But like "Rudolf the red nosed Reindeer"  when you put clay on his nose he couldn't breath.  When the hypnotism was stopping my humming I was just that much more nervous.  

      So one day I got a call from Sister Jane.  She was a Catholic Nun I got to know when I went to a family camp up at Big Bear Lake.  She seemed to be able to read right thru me.  When my family and I went there I was only 23 and really wasn't ready to talk about all this.  But she managed to keep in touch with me over the years.  She had known that I had ambition in music and asked me if I could help them with there Seven Sacrament video series.  Well,  to me that was really something.  Ask me?  I don't know anything about recording a video series, much less putting together a series of songs.  She also told me that I would have to spend about 3 weeks in LA.  No problem I told her,  I would love to do it.  Think about it.  Here I am.  My confidence all but shot, and somebody you hardly know comes into your life and trusts you.  When I got down there, I worked hard but I also was treated like a king.  The sisters even honored me, like I was somebody really special.  I even got to hold the fan in one of the shooting scenes. Ha ha.   Really, it was a very special 3 weeks for me.   I got to work with greats like Bill Kidd.  Bill Kidd is a fabulous composer.  I call him a "genius" because I've never seen anybody work like this guy.  He's composed and orchestrated many films, like Passenger 58, Star Trek 6, he's worked with Bill Conti on many projects like the Rocky movies, and Rambo movies and many many others that I don't know about or have forgot.  Eric Byak, who is a little bit different in style than Bill,  but none the less a great composer himself.  And a fine guitarist.  The best I've ever seen on a guitar.  There I was introduced to many many great people.  At first I felt so inadequate among these people but they accepted me as if I were great with them.  Bill was one of the greatest persons I have ever met.   He had all this talent and all these titles under his belt, but in the studio he never made me feel inadequate.  He made me feel as great as him.  This experience turned on many lights in my head.  This was where I truly made my first step into feeling good about myself.  I got to do it all over again 2 years later.   We all worked very hard putting together these videos, however the experience of it all was unsurpassed.  A second big step in my life.  These sisters are the best.

     One day I was at a local Seven Eleven.  This lady Vicki that was working there  heard me as I was singing a song to myself  while I was going to pick up a Papaya Nectar.  She told me, "You sound like you can sing, would like to see if you can sing in our choir for Christmas?"  I never sang in a choir before.  I knew nothing about singing in a choir.  I can't read music to save my life.  I told her this.  But she insisted.   When I went to the Baptist church to sing with them of course I was nervous.  I didn't think I could do this.  But instead I did.  After rehearsing with them for a while I began to be able to read, I could actually follow the notes.   We sang both for there church and our catholic church for Christmas.  After we finished Christmas she asked me to join another choir.   She thought I sounded good and wanted to put The performing artists of Tahoe Together.   This was a great experience for me.  I was always afraid of singing or acting on stage, mainly because of the fear of being made fun of on stage when I was a kid.  .  This was a time when I was building lots of confidence in myself,   I was doing things I had never dreamed of doing even though I hummed.   

During all this II began to think of shooting a music video....  

A music video of my experiences.  A video of anti-prejudice.  This was  my turning point!!!   This was finally my healing therapy!!!!  Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I began to thank God above for the many talents he has given me.  Why dwell on one imperfection when I had so much to give.  Because of my experiences I could see what very few people had the ability to see.  I could do what very few people ever dream of.  I was truly someone special and no one could take that away from me.  I was shooting a music video.  I was helping others and hopefully still can from the experiences that I have went through.   It didn't stop there either.  2 years later my cousin Vinnie and I shot another video called "Impress me".   A year later I got my pilot's license.  In those years I did things one could only dream of before .   It was wonderful and still is.  Everyday is a new day.  I still hum, but it doesn't matter anymore.  Make fun of me.  I really don't care anymore. 

     So I say to you who blink your eyes, or stutter, or are fat, or are skinny, or have knobby knees or are different in any other way.   When other kids make fun of you or put you down..........  You don't have to tell them anything, because one day you will show them.  Not with anger or hatred, but with genuine love for yourself and for others.  You are the special one, not them.  They are trying to fit in with everybody else, instead you are unique and there is not one person "just" like you in the whole world. 

I am unique, and there is no one that is just like me.

One thing I always had thru all this was my parents (Sil And Carol), my sister Mary, My Aunt Gail, and my grandparents (Dave and Josie)  they were the support cast so to speak that allowed me to grow and to understand all that was.  My parents were the anchor that I needed to get thru this all. Without them I probably would have ended up who knows?  Family is a very important part of life.  Unfortunately so many people do not realize how important this is.  Especially going thru troubling times.  My Mom and Dad taught me that.  They rode side saddle thru all of this with me.  My father always tried to make me feel important by letting me drive the tractor or the garbage truck.  My Mom was always there trying to help me get thru all of this.  My sister knew and was my best friend thru alot of it.  That meant alot to me that she sang in our band.  And really meant a lot to me that she sang in SoulJack.  My aunt Gail does not realize how she has helped me thru all of this..really need to talk to her more nowadays.                      

                               David Now

     Now at 47 (Boy that sounds old) I am very content.  I no longer make videos or write and record music.  That part of my life is passed and maybe someday I will record again but not now.   I have been recently helping the Sisters set up there recording studio and have had fun doing it.  I really am into flying and marriage at this point in my life.  I've became a pilot and spend most of my spare time doing this.  I am  married (9 years now)  to my beautiful and precious wife Julie.  Who has given me more than I could ever ask for.  She has definitely been a very bright spot in my life.  Julie and I have 2 beautiful and and wonderful children named Gabriella (8 years old), and Sabrina (5 years old).  Both fight alot.... They both have hard heads like Dad but for the most part they keep Julie and I entertained.  Gabriella is starting Second grade.  Sabrina was a wannabee second grader with lots of homework she used to assign herself.  Whatever homework assignment Gabriella is doing Sabrina was doing also.  Sabrina is going to start Kindergarten this week...  WOW does time fly.   They both love to sing all the time in there play mike.   They entertain both Julie and I with many of their shows.  I must say some are pretty good.   They are both 2 jewels and I would not trade them for the world.

           There is really not a word that can express how I feel right now.  I have come so far.  These are the real meanings of life.  Not lights camera action, but just everyday life.  Every time I go in the air with my airplane it makes me think of the beauty this world has to offer.  It somehow brings me closer to God.  The mountains, the Sea.  Our Lady Mary and Jesus are everywhere.  They are alive and well and want all of us to live happy and most of all to love one another as they love us.   It's too bad so many of us choose not too.  It's too bad so many of us chase after the lights, camera action such as the kids who made fun of me,  they were only interested in getting attention to themselves.  Using me as a way to be loved by others.  Unfortunately many of them then and many still now don't understand that love is not something you take, it is something you give.   Enjoy each and every human being for they are all precious in some way.  Looking at a mountain or even just a tree, river or a child  with awe is an incredible experience.   Something only God can create.